dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
