Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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