Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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