You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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