I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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