When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
