Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize