Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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