I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
