Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
