why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
