Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
