yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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