i'm signing you up for texting rehab
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
