She announced her abortion via fbk
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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