ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize