I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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