'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
nutella sex= disaster
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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