True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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