that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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