you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize