so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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