When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
