I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
