Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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