Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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