Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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