I faked an abortion last night.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
