your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
