wakey wakey hands off snakey
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
What a dumb baby whore.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
