is your mom at the bar?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
