my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I have tasted many bathrooms
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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