Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
