My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
