my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
