The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
