I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
