I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
