More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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