I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
