I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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