"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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