we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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