My cat gives me a boner
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
