left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
