Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize