I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
