What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
