i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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