She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
