do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
