I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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