hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
