I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
