just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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