so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize