party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
