I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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