Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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