you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
