I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize