need another drink. this is the easiest way
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
