ya dads aren't the best wingmen
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
