Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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