guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
one might say we're banned from that church
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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