There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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