operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
