There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
