oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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